Can I just say how much I love my fiance? He is so wonderful. He hold my hand, sends me sweet texts, makes me pee in laughter (for real. TMI- I know). I am doing better the last few days (Thank you Heavenly Father). I have been spending a lot of time reading the trials of Job in my Bible. That's the one thing that has honest-to-God (pun intended!) kept me alive when no one else knew just how much I was dying inside. I have said before how thankful I am for the hands that held me when I just didn't want to exist anymore, but I know that God has placed them in my life to keep me alive and help me stay strong. Today, I am just thankful.
I have also been praying about my decision to go back to school this semester or take a semester off (I know this may be a shock to a lot of people, but heck, this whole me being sick thing may be a shock to people). I am getting married in 2 months and I also have a job I am going to be returning to when I am feeling less agoraphobic and confident. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to impede my progress with school. I know I will definitely go back in the spring; I just don't think I am yet ready to jump full force into school, work, married life yet, when days ago I could barely shower (gross, I know, but if you've never been this mentally sick, you wouldn't understand), leave my house (again, you'd have to be suffering with what I currently am), and wished myself dead. I am going to talk with my doctor tomorrow and we are going to make the decision together, but ultimately it's my decision.
I have a sneaking suspicion he is going to tell me I am Bipolar. I am not yet sure how I feel about that. I guess I will deal with that if it is a diagnosis, but the first step to the best treatment is an accurate diagnosis, right?
Pleasure: Today I wrote my fiance a long love letter that made me cry in a good way. I am so freakin' thankful for him every day, his love and support through our years together has proved some serious devotion to me. He has stuck with me through the good and bad, and every day he proves to me he is going to be a wonderful husband.
Pray: Today I prayed for my Aunt Diane who has a job interview tomorrow.
Love: Today I send 5 "love letters". Love letters are random little notes I drop in the mail periodically to either thank people for things, or just say "I'm thinking of you".
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